My dear goldfish
by bumbleberrypiethegreat
Summary: Mycroft wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but he knew is the security footage got out, it would be the death of him. First FanFic, Rated M for a reason! Don't like it, don't read it.


**A/N- Hello, I'm not exactly sure on how to write a FanFiction or how appropriate this is supposed to be, but this is my first attempt and we'll see how it goes… **

**Ok, at a sleepover and this is the best suggestion anyone had, so naturally this is what I'm writing :) Ok… so yeah, here goes, remember R&R!**

_Oh, my dear, dear goldfish_

Mycroft P.O.V

I wasn't exactly sure how I came across my goldfish, and I sure as hell wasn't expecting to find him, it just sort of happened.

I was just sitting around having a lovely slice of red velvet when he ran in, it was another murder. He was expecting to find Sherlock, but he was out on another date with John. Again.

He ran in, all hot and flustered. It was a very urgent case, for some strange reason, an elephant had escaped the queen's zoo. I kind of like elephants so I decided to tag along, it was very unusual to be around all these uniformed people, lets just say they aren't exactly the secret service.

Gregory and I totally hit it off. This 'having a friend' thing was actually kinda fun. Well, we solved the case, no thanks to Sherlock might I add. It turns out that when you put up a 3 tonne animal, who isn't too happy in the first place, against a few centimetres of aluminium, the elephant wins… Long story short, the keeper's an idiot and we found Veronica roaming the streets of London. Something all the tourist got a picture of, I'm sure.

On our first date, we went clubbing. How he convinced me to do that, I'm not quite sure but, sure enough, that's where we ended up. We actually ended up going on a pub-crawl, but that's not important right now. The first one wasn't all that bad. It was still fairly early in the evening at that time and no one had really had a lot to drink yet. It was after the second or third… or maybe sixth or seventh, that things started to get a little out of hand.

Well, what can I say? I don't exactly spend all my spare time in a club now, do I?

It was quite peculiar, in the sense that I expected there to be a lot more women out in the clubs, strange really. I was in quite an adventurous mindset that night, apparently. Either that or I was drunk out of my mind. Anyway, for whatever the reason, and however I managed to get up there, I found myself on stage armed with a sparkly, pink umbrella and a rainbow stripe feather boa. I never knew I was that flexible.

I think the detective inspector was impressed, judging by the stupid grin and the bright red cheeks.

After I had finished my little spectacle, Gregory, who was considerably less wasted, helped me down. He had switched out his normal black coat for a majestic Zebra stripe jacket. He giggled, well more liked whined like a dying whale.

"I think it's time for heading home then!" Greg chirped, between laughter, while watching me stumble around the street, warbling the forever destroyed version of 'God save the queen'. I highly doubt I'll ever be able to hear that song the same ever again.

We clambered somewhat unceremoniously into the back of the cab. The D.I started to get a little, how shall I put it, 'clingy' back there. I didn't like the cabbie all that much, I AM THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT AND I SHALL _NOT_ PAY FOR A CAB!

After the taxi had gone Gregory helped me up the steps to my house on Downing St. He decided to confess his love, for rifles, but not just any kind of rifle, a DNA rifle and proceeded to passionately eat my face. As we literally fell through the door I could feel my feather boa and everything else fall of my body. I was quite sad the majestic zebra coat got ruined in the process but ohh welll. I knew then it was gonna be a night to remember. I could just feel his love stick jiggling around like a living slinky inside my body and his soothing touch on my skin. A little while later we had a little game of tongue tennis which, as I can say was quite enjoyable. I have never did anything like this before in my life, everything was new to me, but Gregory, ohhhh Gregory definitely knew what he was doing. He was quite experienced in the art of alternative martial arts. Lets just say he had a little taste of my lollipop. And I knew he liked the flavour, from his enthusiastic moans of pleasure.

But all of this was hours ago, and all that's going through my mind is what happens next.

All I know for sure is that Lestrade had better destroy those security tapes.

**A/N - And that would be the end! Just to let you know, two people wrote this as the only part I wanted to write was the overly exaggerated paragraph with the many imaginative innuendos. I apologise for any major mental health damage that has been inflicted by this story.**

**Anyway, please review and let me know what you guys thought :) **

**Toodles!**


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